• Angela Barrett

Turn dating lemons into lemonade

In every dating disappointment, there is the opportunity to make lemons into lemonade.. . . Let me explain. . . Lately I've been helping clients work out what good can come of a disappointment, for example, a connection that at first seemed exciting but then fizzles fast, or a ghosting or an unceremonious dumping. . . Embedded in every disappointment is some gold, even if it's just a speck. If you're in the dating game - which can be downright cruel - you need to get yourself into the habit of panning for the gold. . . Here's an example of how to do it. You've been chatting to a nice guy and you go out a couple of dates. You notice a couple of things... like he's a little hard to pin down and he talks about his ex-girlfriend a bit much. But you're not totally turned off so you're keen to see him again. Then, the communication stops. And even though it was only new, your disappointed and little hurt. . . What to do? . . Close up shop? . . NOPE! . . Look for the gold. . . At the start of my work with clients, I always get them to set an intention for the type of partner and relationship they're wanting to have. A statement that brings clarity about the qualities of the person and relationship they're looking for. . . On an occasion when you're let down by someone, the gold can be in revisiting your intention. Use the information you can harvest from this experience to upgrade/update/clarify your intention. . . Ask yourself, what is it that this man didn't display? What value or quality do I want in a man that this guy didn't have? . . If it was that he lacked commitment, you would add wording to the affect of "It's my intention to call in a man who is 100% ready for commitment and wants to be committed to me." . . I remember when I was trying to find My Guy and I dated a few guys in a row who were clearly (I say that with the benefit of hindsight) not ready for the type of commitment I wanted (though happy to spend fun time with me). I saw some signs that they weren't ready, but chose to turn a blind eye, convincing myself that chemistry was the be-all-and-end-all. . . In the end, my ignoring the signs that they weren't ready got pretty ugly and painful (one of them slept with his ex while he and I were going out... and supposedly she got pregnant! I know, right!?? Rather unsavoury.

. . After this and another couple of horrible experiences, I got really clear that I needed to be staunch about being with someone who was emotionally free of any exes and who was 100% ready for commitment and wanted that commitment with me. . . And then I had to stick to my guns. . . So that was the lemonade I made out of a series of hurts from wayward guys. It helped me get really clear what I needed in a relationship and what I wouldn't tolerate. . . So how clear are you about the qualities of the person you want to be in relationship with? How can you take whatever experience you've had to get clearer about what you really want?